Wednesday, August 17, 2016

So today has been full of ups and downs. We got ana,  and got to go swimming at the hotel in Cincinnati 
After breakfast. I was exhausted.... I swam for a couple minutes. But I ended up having to sit out and take a nap on the little beach chairs.. took showers.. got everything in the car... And headed to the Pure Romance warehouse to pick up my starter consultant kit. Sadly, it wasn't done, so they said to go ahead and come back in an hour. We figured we would go get lunch. It was amazing! It was at this place called Toot's, which just happened to be a pokestop. They had hot dog kids meals free with adults which even included a small ice cream. The food was sooo good! Well, headed back to Pure Romance and they STILL weren't done. I asked if they would ship it, instead. Sure, but I'm pretty bummed. I was hoping to get my stuff started. Oh well. I should just focus on my crafting. We drive, and get to the Michigan welcome center.... Girls and I go to the bathrooms. We come out, and Andrew's headed in. No big deal.....until it starts pouring. Huge amounts of rain, jetting down over us. I couldn't see Ana,but yelled for her to head to the building. I tried the car doors, but they were locked. With Penny in my arms, crying about the rain hurting her, we run back to the building... Ana stayed behind a tree.... and it's been an hour or so and we're still all soaked.. I feel like such an asshole for not just running into the building but I didn't want to leave Ana alone, outside, at a rest stop... Ugh... I still let my stupid anxieties take over.. it's like I can't seem to stop once they start. It's gross. Even with the meds and therapy, even though people say I'm likeable and bubbly and outgoing and funny.... Or whatever other good things... I don't see them. It's like all I can see or feel is negative. I don't see in positives, and i know it's ruining my kids, if not everything else around me, too... I don't know how to quit...  

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