I'm not sure whether it's circumstances or just my head that's making me feel that things are inescapably worse. I feel like no matter what I do, I can't be happy, and I just continue to fuck up and hurt every single person around me. I'm a selfish piece of fucking shit, and I don't deserve to be happy. I need to just get the house cleaned, get all the laundry done, get everything in order, cook the meals that everyone likes, stop spending money on stupid shit, start making more money to have for everyone to be able to have their fun.... I'm supposed to be able to smile through it all. I'm supposed to be happy if that all happens, right? I feel like it's all wrong. Everything is wrong. Everything that I do, especially, is wrong. I'm too hard on my kids. I'm not hard enough. I care too much. I don't care enough. I'm overdressed and intimidating. I'm underdressed and sloppy. I'm a good cook, but I don't do things the correct way, so it's all wrong. I don't spend enough time on crafts for the family. I spend too much on crafts for the family.
I feel fucking numb.
Can I please please please give up?
I'm so very tempted to just start boxing up my fabrics... Boxing up my patterns... Boxing up my collectibles... Boxing up whatever other crafts I have and selling them or donating them. Why do I need them? All they do is gather dust and destroy the house.
