I'm not sure whether it's circumstances or just my head that's making me feel that things are inescapably worse. I feel like no matter what I do, I can't be happy, and I just continue to fuck up and hurt every single person around me. I'm a selfish piece of fucking shit, and I don't deserve to be happy. I need to just get the house cleaned, get all the laundry done, get everything in order, cook the meals that everyone likes, stop spending money on stupid shit, start making more money to have for everyone to be able to have their fun.... I'm supposed to be able to smile through it all. I'm supposed to be happy if that all happens, right? I feel like it's all wrong. Everything is wrong. Everything that I do, especially, is wrong. I'm too hard on my kids. I'm not hard enough. I care too much. I don't care enough. I'm overdressed and intimidating. I'm underdressed and sloppy. I'm a good cook, but I don't do things the correct way, so it's all wrong. I don't spend enough time on crafts for the family. I spend too much on crafts for the family.
I feel fucking numb.
Can I please please please give up?
I'm so very tempted to just start boxing up my fabrics... Boxing up my patterns... Boxing up my collectibles... Boxing up whatever other crafts I have and selling them or donating them. Why do I need them? All they do is gather dust and destroy the house.
Sunday, March 18, 2018
Monday, January 1, 2018
Hello, 2018!! So far, so good!
I'm really hoping so!! So far, this year has been great. Haha! I know, day one and all that, so what could've gone wrong so far?? Nothing, I say!!
Andrew and I ended up sleeping past 11:00 am.. It was pretty great. Ana got to make pancakes for the first time, and she really didn't do too badly. She accidentally put in two cups of milk, instead of the one that it called for, and had ended up with a couple of the larger pancakes folding. Those ones were slightly raw in the middle, but with Andrew liking the raw dough anyway, he enjoyed them. She was so proud! She kept asking how they were, which, of course, I loved them. They're pancakes! What's not to love??
After brunch, we sat and watched some stuff on Animal Planet about dogs, and got ready to leave. I found out the Midland Mall was open today so we went to play in the play area. I also had to put in a day off for a Pure Romance bus tour with Kari, so I stopped in to work. Also scored some $1.97 machine embroidery thread!! That stuff is normally close to $9... Score!!! Then to Five Below. I realized that not only is that the name of the store, but it's also close to what the stupid temperature has been around here. Freezing friggin cold!!!!!
All of that moving and shopping.... We were all hungry. We all love the local Mongolian Barbecue place, so that's where we headed. I'm still stuffed, and we finished about three hours ago. Well, that place also happens to be a Pokestop, so we did some Pokemon GO! while we were out. Funny how when we do that, Penny is awake the whole time... We go to pull into the trailer park, and she passes out. Really, kid?? Eh, it is what it is!
So, the other night, Andrew and I went on a super late anniversary make up date and got to watch Star Wars The Last Jedi.. Amazing!!! I cried.. I cried because, well, Carrie Fisher! I also laughed, because there were some great parts, especially with Luke. The porgs were really, really cute..
Yesterday I was playing around on my phone, checking out Facebook and also Instagram. I came across this post that had a porg from Star Wars! I showed it to Ana, and I have decided that it's going to be my next crochet project. I'm not great at amigurumi, so we'll see how it turns out. Probably will look more pointed than the original, or worse! Hahaha! I plan on using cotton yarn for most of it, and I only have one brown, instead of the three shades it calls for. I also only have orange in acrylic, so I'll have to make due. Oh well!
Well, the kids are off to bed, and Andrew and I will be putting on Rogue One in a few. What better time is there, than watching another Star Wars movie, to make a Star Wars buddy?? Nothing, I say! Nothing!!
Andrew and I ended up sleeping past 11:00 am.. It was pretty great. Ana got to make pancakes for the first time, and she really didn't do too badly. She accidentally put in two cups of milk, instead of the one that it called for, and had ended up with a couple of the larger pancakes folding. Those ones were slightly raw in the middle, but with Andrew liking the raw dough anyway, he enjoyed them. She was so proud! She kept asking how they were, which, of course, I loved them. They're pancakes! What's not to love??
After brunch, we sat and watched some stuff on Animal Planet about dogs, and got ready to leave. I found out the Midland Mall was open today so we went to play in the play area. I also had to put in a day off for a Pure Romance bus tour with Kari, so I stopped in to work. Also scored some $1.97 machine embroidery thread!! That stuff is normally close to $9... Score!!! Then to Five Below. I realized that not only is that the name of the store, but it's also close to what the stupid temperature has been around here. Freezing friggin cold!!!!!
All of that moving and shopping.... We were all hungry. We all love the local Mongolian Barbecue place, so that's where we headed. I'm still stuffed, and we finished about three hours ago. Well, that place also happens to be a Pokestop, so we did some Pokemon GO! while we were out. Funny how when we do that, Penny is awake the whole time... We go to pull into the trailer park, and she passes out. Really, kid?? Eh, it is what it is!
So, the other night, Andrew and I went on a super late anniversary make up date and got to watch Star Wars The Last Jedi.. Amazing!!! I cried.. I cried because, well, Carrie Fisher! I also laughed, because there were some great parts, especially with Luke. The porgs were really, really cute..
Yesterday I was playing around on my phone, checking out Facebook and also Instagram. I came across this post that had a porg from Star Wars! I showed it to Ana, and I have decided that it's going to be my next crochet project. I'm not great at amigurumi, so we'll see how it turns out. Probably will look more pointed than the original, or worse! Hahaha! I plan on using cotton yarn for most of it, and I only have one brown, instead of the three shades it calls for. I also only have orange in acrylic, so I'll have to make due. Oh well!
Well, the kids are off to bed, and Andrew and I will be putting on Rogue One in a few. What better time is there, than watching another Star Wars movie, to make a Star Wars buddy?? Nothing, I say! Nothing!!
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